Friday, January 30, 2009

Dog Show

It was a miserable day for twenty reasons I don't even want to go into. I knew two things: I had to get away, and if I didn't put my dick into something, there was going to be trouble. There was a message on my machine: "Hi, Lambert -- this is Sandy -- remember me, from Don's party?"

Did I? I'm not sure -- oh, wait, sure... I think so, anyway. She was this tight-ass chick who kept talking about her dogs. Even though she was young, I remember thinking that she was destined to be an old maid who primly walked her dogs every day, and that I didn't think she'd mind that.

"Well, I remembered you saying how you liked dogs, and the Westminster Dog Show is on tonight -- if you want to come over and watch it with me, give me a call."

The hell? Did I say that? I mean, I don't hate dogs or anything, but why does she think I'm a dog person? Thinking back, I had it mind to try to get her in the sack, and I probably said all kinds of stuff. Whatever. What kind of girl invites someone over to watch TV for a first date? The answer is: A girl who wants to get fucked. Tight-ass, here I come!

I ring the doorbell, and instantly hear barking, and then scuffling, and then her shouting at the dogs to be quiet. The door opens, and there she is -- oh, yeah, now I really remember her. Medium length curly brown hair, little glasses, kind of gangly and awkward, wearing a T-shirt and sweatpants. Yeah, typical dog girl. "Hi Lambert! Come on in! Let me introduce you to my puppies!" God. If I get out of here without fucking this woman at least twice, it will *not* have been worth it.

"This is Shasta, and this is Joffrey." Two eager white dogs with big fluffy tails looked at me and panted. What are those called again? "They're my precious little Samoyeds! Yes they are! Aren't you two so precious!" Oh man. I'm never going to make it through this. Maybe I better leave. "Well, come on in, and sit down! The show is going to start in just a few minutes." We head over to a couch in surprisingly good condition -- most houses with dogs have ruined couches, in my experience. But this one is soft leather, and praise be, there isn't dog hair everywhere. The house is really tidy -- it figures that Sandy would be a neat freak. I'm getting the sinking feeling that she really is interested in someone to watch the dog show with, and nothing else.

She fixes us some drinks, and we make small talk over the commercials. The dogs lie quietly nearby. Just as the credits start, the phone rings. "Figures, right?" she laughs. "I'll be right back." She goes out of the room, and I start wondering what I'm doing here. The only way I'm going to get into dog-girl's pants tonight is if I knock her over the head, and fucking an unconscious girl is not worth the jail time. But, whatever. Miracles happen, right? Maybe a few more of these scotch and sodas, and she'll loosen up. Sandy comes back in the room. "Lambert, I'm really sorry about this, but that was my sister on the phone. She's having emotional problems, and I need to go over and talk to her."

"It's okay," I say, relieved to be getting out of here. "I'll come back some other time."

"Oh, no!" she says, "Look, I'll be back in a half hour, maybe forty-five minutes tops. Just watch the show, and fill me in on what happens when I get back, okay? Really, I'll be quick."

She doesn't really stop to see if I agree -- she's out the door. Great. Well, whatever. I pour myself another drink, and watch the show. Man, there are some weird looking dogs. After a minute, I think, screw this, and I start switching channels. Sandy has a surprisingly wide array of channels, and I settle on some soft core porn on Showcase. It's pretty hot, two chicks with huge racks in a hot tub, and I start to rub myself while I watch it. One of them starts panting and moaning, so I unzip my pants, and just start beating off in her living room.

Then I notice that one of the dogs (they look identical to me) is sitting up, and looking at me. I feel kind of weird having a dog watch me jack off, and I figure I better save it up anyway, in case Sandy has something more in mind than the dumb dog show. He comes over and sits down, rubbing his head against my hand. Whatever. I scratch his head. He pinches his eyes shut, and rolls his neck back, like he's getting some kind of a massage. Suddenly, he turns, and leaps up on me, and I almost spill my drink. What the hell? Gah! Then I realize -- this dumb dog is humping my leg. I shove him off of me. He just sits there panting and smiling at me. God, I hate when dogs do that. Then, just as I'm finally settled, he leaps up on me again, pumping away. "Would you cut it out!" I shout at him, and grabbing his collar, I lead him into the kitchen and shut the door.

On the TV, the two chicks with the huge tits are dripping honey on each other, and licking it off. It's absolutely exquisite, and I quickly regain a huge hard-on. Deciding I don't care if Sandy comes back, I whip it out again, and start slapping it to beat the band. Now I realize the other dog is looking at me. God damn it. Fuck Sandy, and fuck these dogs. "What, bitch?" I say to her, still beating my meat, "You want a piece of this?" The dog actually walks over and starts SNIFFING MY BALLS. "Are you fucking kidding me, dog?" She (this is, what, Shasta?) nuzzles her fuzzy head and neck against my cock and balls. "What is it, dog? You want me to come on you? Because I will -- I don't care! I'll come right in your dog face!" And as I keep jacking off, the damned dog actually starts LICKING MY BALLS. Like, wrapping her tongue under them, and licking them, with her head turned sideways. "God damn!" I shout at her. Fine, some dog wants to help me jack off, I've got no objections. I keep pounding away, and she keeps licking. It starts to tickle, and I laugh, and push her away, but she looks up at me, with this weird, come-hither look. I'm like, "What dog? You want to suck this dick?" And almost like she understands me, she tips her head up, opens her mouth, and moves her tongue out over her lower teeth. I stand there, dumbly, with my dick in my hand, having a hard time believing what I'm about to do. Fuck it, I figure. If this dog wants to suck my dick, it's a better friend than anyone else around here. And I carefully lay it on top of the dog's tongue. It feels surprisingly soft and velvety, like a piece of ham, or like when you rub the bottom of your cock on a girl's slit without putting it in. Shasta closes her mouth a little, and while I feel the pressure of her teeth, she is incredibly gentle, and then her tongue goes to work. To my startled surprise, she wraps that tongue around my dick like a stripe around a candy cane, and starts swishing it every which way, wet and slippery with dog drool. I have to grab the coffee table to keep from falling down. It feels amazing, but it's incredibly awkward leaning over her like this, and I realize that I should just lie down on the floor, and so I do. She steps over me, and keeps this doggy deep throat going, opening her jaws wide, and bobbing her head up and down on my dick. The whole time, her big fluffy tail is wagging crazily, fanning the whole room. I'm just leaning back, and moaning, and shouting, because it's unlike anything I've ever felt before, and then suddenly, she stops. I look up, wondering what's going on, and she is just looking back at me, even though she still straddles my legs. She shifts her back legs, And then I realize I'm looking straight at her cunt -- It's maybe six inches in front of my face. The damn bitch is PRESENTING! Well, fuck it, why not -- why not fuck a god damn dog? But can I even find the cunt on a dog? I slide out from under her, and she holds her position. Feeling around under her fur, I find it with my finger -- it's small, but slick and wet, and when I touch it, she whines a little. I slip my finger in a little ways, and she pushes on it. I rub it in little circles and she tenses up in ecstasy. Fine, I think -- let's do this. I remove my finger, and guide my dick under her, and push it against her little dog cunt. It's INCREDIBLY tight, and she strains and makes a half howling, half growling noise. Fortunately, my dick is still very slippery from all the dog slobber, and it goes in. The next thing I know, I am gripping both of her back legs, and fucking as hard as I can. She starts howling, and I howl right along with her. "God damn it, dog! I'm going to fuck you into last week! I'm going to fuck you till we both bleed!" At one point, in my excitement, I slip out, and get an idea. I stand up. "Lie down!" She lies down. I roll her onto her back, like I was going to rub her belly, but I climb on top of her, missionary style. She LOVES it. Her huge fuzzy tail is all waving over my ass, while I pound away at her, my naked body against her white fur, her hot breath on my neck. I hear scratching and barking from the kitchen, and realize that Joffrey must be going crazy! "Yeah, Joffrey!" I shout, "I'm fucking your woman!" She keeps groaning and panting, and I just keep fucking her. I can tell I'm going to come pretty soon, but not yet. I hear the kitchen door bust open, and feel Joffery, suddenly, on my back, his teeth on my neck. I feel sure I am going to die, but he is heavy, and I can't really move -- and then, yow! What the hell! I realize that JOFFREY'S DICK HAS GONE UP MY ASS! He is not going to kill me after all, he's just going to fuck me! What-the-fuck-ever! I'm surrounded in fur, with a Samoyed fucking me up the ass from behind while I fuck another one below me. The hot red dick up my ass has overwhelmed my nervous system, and I seem to be able to fuck all night. My eyes closed tight, I just keep fucking, and fucking, and fucking, surrounded in warmth and fur, and grunting and howling. Finally, I feel Shasta's pussy squeeze and tighten, and Joffrey's dick getting very, very hot, and the three of us come at almost exactly the same time, all of us howling and screaming, and making guttural noises that I've never heard anywhere before, me and Joffrey both pumping huge quantities of sperm into places God never intended.

Joffrey dismounts me (thank God), and I roll off of Shasta. I am exhausted, and sore, and have scratches in places I've never had them before, not to mention greasy dog cum up my ass. But both dogs surround me, wagging their tails, and licking my face. Suddenly, I realize, that we aren't alone! Sandy is on the couch, looking right at us, tears running down her face.

"Jesus, Sandy! How long have you been here!" I unconsciously grab some of my clothes, trying to cover myself.

"Oh, my God," is all she can say. "You were FUCKING my dogs."

"Sandy, I'm sorry..." I say reflexively. At this point my mind is numb, and I am unsure of the correct etiquette for the situation.

"It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen." I suddenly realize that Sandy is naked. "Have you fucked dogs before?" She asks, in a sultry, sultry voice.

"No," I answer honestly.

"My God," she says, "you were so GOOD at it." When I came in and saw the three of you there, I was shocked at first, but then..." and she actually blushed at this point, "it was so damn hot, that I just wanted to watch you. I was sure you'd notice me in a minute, but you didn't, and I got so wet that I just stripped down and started masturbating on the couch!" She laughed. "I came twice before you stopped, and then I just wanted to watch you! Lambert..." she paused.

"Yes?" I said, cautiously.

"Stand up, drop those clothes. Let me see you."

I did, and looking at her naked, horny body on that leather couch, I started to get hard again. She looked me over, and her hungry eyes rested especially long on my sore, but slowly recovering, cock. Suddenly she made puppy dog eyes, and, one arm around each of her dogs, she spread her legs apart, showing her shiny, fuzzy pussy, said, "Will you fuck us? Please?" There was no way I could say no. I practically jumped on top of her, and as I shoved my tongue down her throat, she returned the favor, her arms wrapping around my back, and legs wrapping around mine. My dick quickly found her pussy, and thrust in, and as I fucked her, I started sucking her nipple, only to realize that Shasta was licking at the other, and that Joffrey was licking voraciously where our cock and pussy came together.

After combinations I never would have thought possible, we all fell asleep in a pile. I woke up a little while later, gathered my things, and snuck out, with only one thought on my mind.

My name is Lambert Devine, and yes, indeed, I am going to fuck the world.

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